Ohio State Buckeyes Crazed Group Rips New Michigan Wolverine Head Coach Jim Harbaugh. Sends Him to Roast for Eternity. Michigan’s Current 666 Points in AP Poll Deemed “Satanic” by Band.
The legendary DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS, who this year celebrate their 25th anniversary of skewering MICHIGAN WOLVERINE football in favor of their beloved OHIO STATE BUCKEYES, will release their latest opus, “HARBAUGH TO HELL” on Halloween 2015.
The song will be available via iTUNES from the their own FLAMING WOLVERINE DEATH RECORDS. Ittells the story of the group dragging current Michigan head coach JIM HARBAUGH thru a portal gate beneath Michigan Stadium in Ann Arbor, down to a fiery afterlife of pain. This particular Hell is a Hieronymus Bosch-ian landscape of demons roasting former Michigan head coaches on spits that go “round and round.” An accompanying lyric video is now available on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOGIBQ1EnpA).
A portion of the proceeds from the song’s iTunes sales will be donated to THE BO SCHEMBECHLER HEART OF A CHAMPION FUND. “We wanna help keep Wolverine fans alive long enough for them to die of embarrassment after we kick their asses across the field again this year,” chortled the band members.
Of their mission as a group, singer BO BIAFRA says, “For a quarter of a century, we Dead Schembechlers have taken it upon ourselves to use music to fight the evil, arch-rivals of Ohio State. We will stop at nothing to eradicate them from the Earth. It’s Harbaugh in Hell on Halloween!
Regarding the current rankings, BIAFRA adds, “While we revel in Ohio State’s #1 position, it’s chilling to see #15 Michigan with exactly 666 points in the current Associated Press rankings. We believe this to be a sign from the heavens of a Satanic influence over Ann Arbor. Our struggle against them is nothing less than a Holy Pigskin War. Death to the Wolverine Infidels! Woody Be Praised!”
The band consists of Biafra on vocals, BO THUNDERS on guitar, BO VICIOUS on bass, and BO SCABIES on drums. They are named for late Michigan coach BO SCHEMBECHLER and take their sartorial cues from late Ohio State coach WOODY HAYES. The group exploded on the Wolverine Hatecore music scene in their hometown of Columbus, Ohio in 1990 with the nineteen-second anthem “I Hate Michigan.” Their HATE MICHIGAN RALLY, held only on the eve of the yearly Ohio State vs. Michigan game, has often degenerated into pitched battles between fans of the Buckeyes and Wolverines. One performance led to the storied HIGH STREET RIOTS OF ’96, where the band battled National Guard units amidst clouds of tear gas and piles of burning couches. The group was then banned for several years from performing within the Columbus, Ohio city limits. They have shocked audiences on HBO, ESPN, and other media around the world with their blind hatred of all things from Michigan.
DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS believe that most everything bad on Earth is the work of what they refer to as THE INTERNATIONAL WOLVERINE CONSPIRACY. At its center is a cadre of University of Michigan graduates bent upon world domination and set up of THE NEW WOLVERINE ORDER. The band believes this group is headed by political firebrand ANN COULTER, a graduate of the University of Michigan Law School, and includes numerous other famous Michigan alumni. They contend this conspiracy is responsible for the Kennedy Assassination, Global Warming, and the god-awful holiday music of MANNHEIM STEAMROLLER.
Cover art for the release was done by ALAN MACBAIN. It was produced by the band at CURRY HOUSE RECORDS in Columbus, Ohio with engineer MIKE LANDOLT. Mastering by BRIAN LUCEY at MAGIC GARDEN in Los Angeles, CA.
The group had planned on a gig this year in Ann Arbor, but no area club would allow them to play due to threats of violence and mayhem. “Looks like no gig this year,” said BO BIAFRA. “Maybe we’ll just show up and piss on the side of the Michigan Stadium. At least it will make the place smell better.”
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